Passive Eating Causes Obesity Epidemic

Governments are preparing to protect the public from food that seems to be producing the obesity epidemic via passive eating. We all understand that we can gain weight simply by seeing others eat. There are many parts of the world, populated by billions of people, who do not have any problems with people being obese, let alone overweight; simply because they do not regularly see others eat.

Government actions are urgently required to discourage eating:

  • A ban on advertising in print media, electronic media and in public places.
  • A ban on sponsoring sports, etc by food producers. Using fit, healthy people to advertise food sends the wrong message to the public.
  • Plain wrapping and standardised labelling of all food with graphic images of the consequences of eating food. Food brands may not be printed any larger than 0.8 pt on any part of the package.
  • Packaging shall only identify the type of contents (see Addendum L.5 for the list of 308 approved types), the quantity therein and its obesity rating in blobs.
  • The highly addictive “fresh food” shall be prepared so as not to be visually attractive. Fruit and vegetables shall be left in cardboard boxes in the sun for at least 2 days before being put on display to customers.
  • Refrigerated food shall be packaged and stored so that the use-by date is no more than 4 days from the time of packaging to discourage hoarding.
  • Companies which previously prepared (and served) food directly for customer (“restaurants”) will be assisted in converting to a non-food business.
  • Fast-food outlets shall be replaced by authorised dispensaries with restricted working hours.
  • Citizens shall be issued with electronic passes that they must produce in order to buy food in order to facilitate managing their condition.
  • All producers of food shall be licenced, including garden plots, trees and shrubs yielding edible matter. Any such means which have the potential to exceed production beyond licenced allowances, shall be seized and destroyed. Owners of garden plots, trees and shrubs shall, at their expense, install and maintain facilities for remote monitoring of those means by the Bureau Against Redundant Food.

Until Governments make these essential laws to protect the health of the public, parents can protect their children from the effects of passive eating by:

  • Not eating in the presence of children.
  • Leaving the house and staying well away from doors and windows if they must eat.
  • Not eating in the car or other enclosed space which may be occupied by children in the future.
  • Seeking medical advice to help with their eating habit.
  • Showing the children the filthy results of eating before flushing.
  • Remembering that humans can get adequate nourishment from sources other than food. e.g. tofu.

In order to protect themselves against future litigation, workplaces must implement eat-free policies including:

  • Bans on the consumption of food while working near others including other employees and customers.
  • Instigating random searches to discourage the smuggling of food into the workplace.
  • Placing signs on the doors of lavatories reminding employees that they wouldn’t need to use the lavatory unless they’ve been eating.
    Lavatories do not need to provide comfort or privacy. Gradually reducing the number of available lavatories will further encourage employees to kick the habit.
  • Introducing urine and blood tests for employees in high-risk areas.
  • Providing counsellors with appropriate psychological training to help employees kick their eating habit.
  • Installing CCTV cameras in high risk areas such as lunch rooms and lavatories.

Obesity is a global problem as long as people are induced by Big Food that the consumption of food is a status symbol, provides enjoyment and comfort.

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This entry was posted in Satire, Science, Securing Liberty and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Passive Eating Causes Obesity Epidemic

  1. Dioclese says:

    Brilliant. I shall immediately add you to my blogroll.

  2. Dioclese says:

    For some reason, I can’t post a comment on your Cyprus article – so I’ve put it here.

    [contents of comment moved to correct post. Sorry, forgot to allow comments.]

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